My Hair (Part 1)

I am about to conclude an experiment that took the course of a year to conduct. This test of a hypothesis is very personal and I would like to share with you my trials and tribulations that occurred during the experiment.From as far back as I can remember, I always had short hair. Actually, that's not true. I do remember having hair at a normal length, but I never really thought about my hair. I would only think about it in two situations. First situation is when my Mom dragged me out to the salon, not barber shop, and put me through the agony of "just a trim." Please do not have any misconceptions. Getting my hair cut was not horrible, but it was torturous. I have this thing with the back of my neck. Whenever someone touches the center of the back of my neck, with some clippers or a pair of scissors, I start laughing hysterically. If I try to fight it, the urge to laugh gets worse. Basically, I am ticklish back there. These ticklish tendencies provide for a tormenting sit in the pleather-bound salon chair. I would feel bad because I would not, nay, could not sit still. My Mom would always be so embarrassed that she was the parent who brought in the cackling and disruptive offspring. Which brings us to the second situation. This kinesthetic hilarity got to be such a problem that my Dad purchased electric clippers and began shaving my head in a more private setting; the foyer of our own home. Over the years, I have developed some mental exercises to delay the effects of said touching, but I still experience the giggles each and every time.So those were the only two situations where I would think about my hair. I always had short hair. But what of long hair? Was there a place for long hair in my life? After I first conceived this question, I took to research. I looked up my foreign heritages and compared hair types. I found myself flipping through frilly cushioned albums and rummaging among small decorative boxes full of previous generations' photos. I was not possessed by this question, only caught in the feelers of a most felonious and infamous feline. Despite what the idiom states, this question was not going to get the best of me. So I decided to wait. The only way to find out about the feasibility of flowing follicles was to wait; just wait and see.Another similar query had entrapped me a couple of years ago. However, that query had a very easy and quick answer. I wondered how my head would look with no hair at all; completely shaved. Through the art of Photoshop-ing, I was able to mock up a rendering of what a shaved Greg would look like. I was so excited by the resulting image that I got a barber to take my hair down to as short as she felt comfortable. Then I acquired a head-shaving blade to finish the job. In retrospect, I have to say that I did enjoy and appreciate the bald look, but I saw the pain in my colleuges' and family's eyes as I grew back my hair like some damned Chia Pet™ and they stood there like some old bowling ball whose owner has not waxed in some time.So I have tried normal, short, and no hair all. Only thing to test now is long hair. I am not going to bore you with the nuances associated with growing out hair. Instead I will give you the Cliff Notes™ version in ascending time order presented in bulleted form.

• My hair felt weird.
• Then it felt fine.
• Back to weird again.
• Started feeling better.
• Significantly better than before.
• The best it has ever been.
• Unapologetic, unrelenting horribleness.

I am done with this hair! There are so many problems. Having to adjust it while at work, without a comb, developed into a head flick which apparently is known as 'The Beiber'. Gagghh... I almost threw up just writing about it. Tangled, split ends, large masses of shampoo, extra time, more upkeep, adjusting many times during the day, tangled even more, getting in my way of seeing and hearing, gets into any close dirty work I do, and peaked length (no signs of major progress) are just the most prevalent problems that plagued me.Part 2 is coming and it will chronicle the surprising adventures of getting my luscious locks back under control. See you then!